Fake News Articles

 

Studies Show Prehistoric Chickens Tasted Like Fish

 

Man Loses Head; Evil Mad Scientist Suspected

 

Police Squeeze Illegal Lemonade Ring

 

Robot Surfs Internet; Vomits

 

Street Performer Injured

Essays

 

Brain Cells

 

Worms

 

Scissor Wizards

 

Power Strip

 

Email from Kirk Cameron ...

 

What Happens When …

 

I'm Going to Administrate the Bejesus Out of Some Shit Today

 

Where I Would Be if I Were Your Three-Pronged Plug Adapter Thingy

 

What Are My Arms Supposed to Do While I Descend the Stairs?

 

Crazy and Insane

 

Astronaut Bed

 

Open Letter – Horse

Rants

 

Microwave Popcorn

 

Girls Gone Wild

 

Check Writers

 

Acquaintence Spam

 

Driving

 

Walkie-Talkie Phones

 

Leaf Blowers

 

Office Parties

 

Jessica Simpson

 

William Hung

Letters

 

Cover Letter 1

 

Cover Letter 2

 

Fedex Complaint

 

Delta Complaint

 

Continental Complaint

 

United Complaint

 

Westin Complaint

 

"Silkies" Letter

 

Floss Pitch

 

Cliche Buddy Pitch

 

Grab Bag

 

To Be Smurfy Is To Be Misunderstood: Famous Quotations In Which The Word Great Has Been Replaced By Smurfy

 

Help! I'm Turning Into Donald Rumsfeld!

 

My First French Joke

 

Whiskey in 100 Words or Less

 

Documented Proof of What It Would Take To Get Me Into a New Car Today

 

Therein Lies the Problem long-since deleted chapter:  The Hatchetts

Poetry

 

Mississippi Seduction

 

Procrastination

 

Oatmeal

 

Suicide

 

Nitrous

 

Memos

 

Memo 1

 

Memo 2

 

Memo 3

 

Memo 4

 

Memo 5

 

Memo 6

 

Memo 7

 

Memo 8

 

Memo 9